tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526040479815454932024-03-14T01:49:25.169-07:00Letters Home to my FamilyJames Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01306666715220172767noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652604047981545493.post-76608343027553300402015-10-17T10:41:00.001-07:002021-02-19T10:42:19.431-08:00<p> <span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dear Nicole, Claressa and Caden,</span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-9e88171e-7fff-d4f7-60ea-f8197eacb758"><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mom proposed last week that we start having regular family meetings where we have a chance to come together more as a family and share what’s going on for all of us. She proposed we do something that I used to do when I was a kid in my family. We would all write on a question, sharing our thoughts and feelings about it. As part of that family sharing, we’d also write what we appreciate about each other that week. So I wanted to treat mom’s question as a family letter question. Framing it as a question looks something like this:</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What do I think about starting to have regular family/sharing meetings where we share on topics that are important to us, and how do I feel about that?</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">WHAT DO I THINK ABOUT HAVING FAMILY SHARING MEETINGS?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When I think about having regular family meeting/sharing times, my mind thinks how that could feel like business… and it makes me think how I also want us to have regular times together where we play and have fun. There is business things for us to discuss… like how to make our home more joyful and what kinds of vacations we want to create together. And I also like the idea of sharing our thoughts and feelings on questions that come up for us, like “how do we make our home more joyful?” So I think, YES, I would like to see us gather together as a family to share our thoughts and feelings, but also to play more, perhaps to make root beer floats together, or make popcorn and have a movie night or play games together. I don’t think I’m the only person who has longed for these kinds of family experiences. I want all of us to be happy. I know that we were very challenged when it became clear Mom and Dad were having a hard time trying to live together in a healthy way, and we have seen how that created unhappiness for you kids and for our family. Now that we have had a chance to heal a bit and experience healthier, more nurturing relationships, I believe we need to do all we can to create a better experience of being together as a family and a more joyful experience for each of us in our home. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">HOW DO I FEEL ABOUT MY ANSWER?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When I reflect on my answer and sense what’s coming up in my body, I notice that my heart feels heavy and a tear comes to my eye. I have missed hanging out as a family together. I feel sad that we have missed out on fun times together. I feel the weight of our responsibility as parents, and my responsibility as a father, to be proactive in finding ways to bring us together. I feel frustrated that my efforts to do that have been unsuccessful. At the same time, I notice that I also feel hopeful that it is not too late for us to create time together that strengthens our connections and creates more happiness for our family. I tell myself it is never too late to start being a better dad, to find ways to be more responsive to the needs of my family. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">WHAT I APPRECIATE ABOUT EACH OF YOU:</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Nicole, I appreciate how hard you work to make a stable home for our kids. Since we have chosen to live separately, I feel more challenged in this area while also giving energy to the community I live in. I’m grateful that you asked if it would be okay for you to stay in the home with our kids rather than us alternative going in and out, and I am so glad I said ok. I knew it would be better for the kids, even if it meant giving them the felt experience that I had left the family. We know the truth, and we can make a concerted effort to remember that. Thank you also for proposing that we start having family meetings. I have seen clearly that it is not enough for me to propose it. We both have to support the idea to make it happen. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Claressa, I appreciate you taking the time to sit with me last week and listen to me express how sad I have been not being able to live with you these past couple years, and how much I have missed you. Thank you for giving me a hug when I so badly needed a hug from you and for allowing me to cry in your arms. My heart has been hurting so much and feeling so broken.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Caden, I so appreciate how much you have continued to engage with me and share yourself with me. I value our relationship so much. Your openness to sharing and engaging me has been a ray of sunshine in my life and helped me feel connected with the people I care most about in this world. </span></p><br /><br /></span>James Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01306666715220172767noreply@blogger.com0